Valentines For Married People

valentines-hearts_1420722017Looking for the perfect Valentine’s Day card for that special someone in your life? Then you’ve come to the wrong place! These are for married people.

In what seems to be turning into an annual tradition here, I’ve worked up a stunning new batch of the best expressions of marital love you’ll ever see, just in time for Valentine’s Day! I suggest you send one or all of them to your spouse. Remember: it takes little embers to keep stoked the flames of passion. Or something. Whatever.

I went the meme route this year, as opposed to the someecards direction I took last year. Why? Because variety is the spice of life, and I care enough about my readers to use the very best mostly adequate free software that requires minimal effort on my part. It’s just one of the many ways I work tirelessly to bring you a superior blogging experience.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

TOP TEN VALENTINE’S DAY CARDS FOR MARRIED PEOPLE
2015 Edition

Nothing says, "I love you" better than frugal spending.

Nothing says, “I love you” better than frugal spending.

For real, though.

For real, though.

When you find something that works, you stick with it.

When you find something that works, you stick with it.

This is a universal truth of marriage.

This is a universal truth of marriage.

Mmmmm, pizza.

Mmmmm, pizza.

Every year.

Every year.

Mmmmm, pizza.

Mmmmm, pizza.

With tweezers.

With tweezers.

The original vampire diary stories or something.

The original vampire diary stories or something.

The truest expression of love.

The truest expression of love.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

If you want, you can check out last year’s Married Valentines.




Want some books? 'Course ya do!


NOTE:  I know times are hard and yeah, I need to make a living too, but if you want to read any of my books but can't afford to buy them right now, hit me up.

I'll take care of it.


Humor | Nonfiction
Available now from the following retailers

Have you ever lived through an experience that was so humiliating that you wanted to die, but when you tell it to all your friends, they can't stop laughing?

Have you ever made a decision that seemed like a good idea at the time, but you're still living with the hilarious consequences years later?

If so, then grab a snack, get comfortable, and prepare to have all of your own poor life choices seem just a little bit more bearable.

You're welcome.

Short Stories
Available now from the following retailers

The nine stories of rage and sadness collected here range from the most intimate of human experiences to the wildest realms of magic and fantasy. The first story is a violent gut-punch to the soul, and the rest of them just hit harder from there.

Those who tough it out will find a book filled with as much hope as despair, a constant contradiction pulling you from one extreme to another.

Life might knock us down, over and over, and will the beat the ever-loving snot out of us from the time we're old enough to give it attitude until the day we finally let it win and stop getting up.

Always get back up.

Gaming | Nonfiction
Available now from the following retailers

This isn't just a book. It's a portal to other worlds where there be magic and dragons and hilarious pirates. Okay, not really. But this book is about those portals, except they're called video games.

The Life Bytes series of books take a deep dive into one man's personal journey through childhood into kinda/sorta being a responsible, competent adult as told through the magical lens of whatever video games he was playing at the time.

Part One starts way back in 1975 and meanders down various digital pathways until, oh, around about 1993 or so.

If you're feeling nostalgic for the early days of gaming or if you just want to understand why the gamer in your life loves this hobby so much, take a seat in your favorite comfy chair and crack this bad boy open.

I'll try to not be boring.

Horror
Available now from the following retailers

What you are about to read is not a story. There is no beginning, middle, or end.

What follows is nothing more than a series of journal entries involving shadow people, sleep paralysis, and crippling fear. It’s not pretty, it doesn’t follow story logic, and nothing works out well in the end.

You've been warned.