Get a dictionary. Look it up.
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It’s time to talk about The Christmas Problem again, which I did last year and will repeat a bit this year, but most of it’s fresh. Or at least not dead-horse-beaten quite yet. Or maybe it is. I can never tell. Last year, I was in the dumps mainly due to a lack of both funds and sons, with the former having been stretched like a sheet of elastic putty over the newspaper comics so thin that the fat kid from Family Circus went...
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I’ve been meaning to write about the Occupy protests for awhile now, but I was busy being unemployed. You’d think that would make me a perfect candidate to embrace the 99% and bang my outrage into my keyboard and onto the web as soon as possible, but it didn’t. Probably because being unemployed has its side effects. Like making the dollar store my exclusive shopping destination. Or having to shut off my Internet access for...
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Sir Terry Pratchett is going to die. Or rather, the friendly staff of Switzerland’s Dignitas clinic is going to politely assist him to death. This is a deeply personal decision on the part of Sir Pratchett and I really have no business commenting on it. But I’m going to, anyway. Probably because I’m a tactless American. Part of me (the smaller part) wants to applaud him for taking the reins on his life to determine...
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If you’re not from Texas, you probably won’t understand Texas. But one thing you can understand about Texas is that it is a strange and silly place, not entirely unlike Camelot. Except without all the singing. Here in Texas, we have a governor. His name is Rick Perry. He has great hair. And that’s about all I can say about him, according to the international rules of motherly advice of the ‘if you can’t say...
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This post is intended for graduating high school seniors and the parents of graduating high school seniors. You know who you are. My Commencement Speech To The Graduating Class Of Whatever-The-Hell-Year-It-Is-When-You-Read-This I will never be your commencement speaker, but if I were your commencement speaker, I would commence to speaking one thing and one thing only: You do not need something to fall back on. If there’s one piece of...
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Kristian Bland
Writer
Occasional Geek
I'm a previously-laid-off-but-rehired journalist, former tech geek, indefatigable stepdad and inventor of nothing useful. I once thought I could recreate Spider-Man's web fluid, but only ended up staining the driveway of my friend's parents when some of it spilled out and went runny. Eventually, I became a caustic tech geek, which I'm pretty sure inspired the character of Dr. Gregory House, although the bastards never credited me. Later in life, I'd go on to have a horrific experience in publishing that I don't talk about, except to talk about how I don't talk about it. Later still, I became a web editor and columnist for a Hearst newspaper, where I excelled at being Me until my entire department was unceremoniously laid off. After that, I spent about six months being pretty busy not being busy. It sucked. Then, after missing the light of my radiant glory casting its warmth upon the newsroom for long enough, the paper called me up and asked me back. And here we are.
