Get a dictionary. Look it up.
I was at a loss for a subject for today’s post until about half an hour ago, after Brittany disclosed her discovery of the vile and regrettable videotaped evidence of my first wedding. She’s been working on cleaning out the accumulated detritus of my office, which has – for the last year or so – been the dumping ground of everything that wouldn’t fit anywhere else in the house. It started with boxes, when my...
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As you may or may not know, I am about to get married. And, while I prefer to pretend that I never made a Huge Mistake, the disastrous horror that was my first marriage cannot be omitted from my experience, and so I must regrettably acknowledge that this will be my second walk down the aisle. I wish it wasn’t. I wish I could grab a Magic Eraser and Mr. Clean the stain of those wasted years away, but I can’t. They’re...
Read MoreBrittany and I were sitting in a restaurant tonight, each of us furiously concentrating on the cutting and the chewing and the swallowing of two extremely delicious steaks, when it occurred to me that my lovely fiancee has all of the power and the radiance of a thousand suns bursting at once in the sky – and meeting her destroyed my world. She came upon me like a feral cat, wild and hungry with a hidden strength rippling beneath her...
Read MoreI planned on using today’s entry to explain why you should care who Harlan Ellison is. However, since Brittany has (accurately) accused me of repeatedly hijacking her days, I think I’ll save your education for tomorrow. It’s probably for the best anyway, because this way I’ll be able to comment on the Dreams With Sharp Teeth DVD that I mentioned yesterday without having to hamburglar her space for today’s...
Read MoreFor all of you out there who are stopping by to read Brittany’s latest contribution, you’ll have to check back tomorrow. We’ve moved her royal wordiness from Tuesdays and Thursdays to Wednesdays and Fridays, for reasons previously discussed that you should be aware of, if you were paying attention. If you weren’t paying attention, then please see me after class. My ruler would like to have a stern conversation with...
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Kristian Bland
Writer
Occasional Geek
I'm a former Webmaster turned Journalist turned Systems Administrator. I once thought I could recreate Spider-Man's web fluid, but only ended up staining the driveway of my friend's parents when some of it spilled out and went runny. Eventually, I became a caustic tech geek, which I'm pretty sure inspired the character of Dr. Gregory House, although the bastards never credited me. Later in life, I'd go on to have a horrific experience in publishing that I don't talk about, except to talk about how I don't talk about it. Later still, I became a web editor and columnist for a Hearst newspaper, where I excelled at being Me until my entire department was unceremoniously laid off. After that, I spent about six months being pretty busy not being busy. It sucked. Then, after missing the light of my radiant glory casting its warmth upon the newsroom for long enough, the paper called me up and asked me back. So I went back. And then I left again. And here we are.
