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I’m writing this at noon on Wednesday, October 28, 2009 and I have been a married man for three days, seventeen hours and thirty minutes – but who’s counting? I’d love to say that it’s been a great few days and some-odd hours, but I’d also love to say that I have adamantium bones and can fly. Some things just ain’t true, no matter how much we might want them to be. And, to say that the past three...
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The wedding is almost here, and we’re only two days away from “that dweam within a dweam”, despite what the neurotic countdown clock in my sidebar is telling you. This essay will be my last as a single man. The next time you hear from me, I will be shackled to the keyboard as a husband, the obligatory ball and chain fastened to my ankle and chaffing my delicate skin. Fortunately, I’ve never found staying faithful to...
Read MoreAs of today, our wedding is officially two months away, and the days are starting to slip past us a bit quicker now, with every terrible tick and ominous tock of the countdown clock accelerating us faster and faster to the I Do Deadline. It’s a funny thing, a wedding. When it’s far off in the hazy glimmer of some distant day, it’s exciting and joyous and – perhaps most importantly – it’s all theoretical....
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Yesterday, I took aim at the JK Wedding Entrance Dance with a critical eye poking through the telescopic site of my Hate Rifle. I didn’t intend for the tone to come across quite as caustic as it apparently did, although I did mean everything I said. Well, mostly… In part two of my Jill and Kevin tirade, I want to expose the hypocrisy behind my words and maybe smooth over some of the rougher bits of part one. I admit that I am...
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As you may or may not know, I am about to get married. And, while I prefer to pretend that I never made a Huge Mistake, the disastrous horror that was my first marriage cannot be omitted from my experience, and so I must regrettably acknowledge that this will be my second walk down the aisle. I wish it wasn’t. I wish I could grab a Magic Eraser and Mr. Clean the stain of those wasted years away, but I can’t. They’re...
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Kristian Bland
Writer
Occasional Geek
I'm a former Webmaster turned Journalist turned Systems Administrator. I once thought I could recreate Spider-Man's web fluid, but only ended up staining the driveway of my friend's parents when some of it spilled out and went runny. Eventually, I became a caustic tech geek, which I'm pretty sure inspired the character of Dr. Gregory House, although the bastards never credited me. Later in life, I'd go on to have a horrific experience in publishing that I don't talk about, except to talk about how I don't talk about it. Later still, I became a web editor and columnist for a Hearst newspaper, where I excelled at being Me until my entire department was unceremoniously laid off. After that, I spent about six months being pretty busy not being busy. It sucked. Then, after missing the light of my radiant glory casting its warmth upon the newsroom for long enough, the paper called me up and asked me back. So I went back. And then I left again. And here we are.
