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Today’s essay was originally going to be about a subject near and dear to my heart but, for whatever reason, I don’t feel like writing about how hard rock and heavy metal could heal the world right now. (No, it’s not as preposterous a thesis as it sounds, except that it is. Only, it isn’t.) Currently, I find myself mired in the miserable funk of an exhausting depression for which no one cause can be either blamed or...
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It’s officially Wedding Week. The ceremony is in four days, I’m overly busy, overly stressed and murderous impulses have begun pulsing through my body with every systolic beat of my filthy black heart. Maybe it’s the stress, but my tolerance levels for stupidity and inanity have dropped dramatically. I’m not quite to the literal (ie, not figurative) biting off of heads stage just yet, but I’m getting there....
Read MoreI am not a Dan Brown fan. I want to get that out of the way up front, before I get down to the business of defending him, or at least defending what he does. For the record, I purchased a copy of The Da Vinci code for my ex-wife many moons ago, back before anyone really knew who Dan Brown was or what his bestseller was really about. She enjoyed it immensely, and then proceeded to purchase a copy of every other book he’d published....
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I am not an easy person to know. I’m opinionated, loud-mouthed, stubborn, and egotistical. I have Views and I have Issues, and I’m usually none too shy about jumping down the thick necks of the willfully ignorant to gleefully rip the still-beating hearts out of the stinking filth of their insides. I like to rip the heart out and show it to them, really pressing the glistening, gushing muscle into their shocked faces and let...
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Today, I write my grand and final opus in my ongoing crusade against the great tyranny of our time. Well, maybe it won’t be quite so grandiose as I want it to be, and it sure as Hell won’t be my final word on the subject, but if I’m lucky, I might just begin to chip away the smallest microscopic grains of sand and dirt and mud that make up my ever-growing monument to despair. And, if I’m really lucky, I might just...
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Kristian Bland
Writer
Occasional Geek
I'm a former Webmaster turned Journalist turned Systems Administrator. I once thought I could recreate Spider-Man's web fluid, but only ended up staining the driveway of my friend's parents when some of it spilled out and went runny. Eventually, I became a caustic tech geek, which I'm pretty sure inspired the character of Dr. Gregory House, although the bastards never credited me. Later in life, I'd go on to have a horrific experience in publishing that I don't talk about, except to talk about how I don't talk about it. Later still, I became a web editor and columnist for a Hearst newspaper, where I excelled at being Me until my entire department was unceremoniously laid off. After that, I spent about six months being pretty busy not being busy. It sucked. Then, after missing the light of my radiant glory casting its warmth upon the newsroom for long enough, the paper called me up and asked me back. So I went back. And then I left again. And here we are.
