I no doubt sometimes come across as a sexist pig in these little essays, but I’m actually a feminist at heart. I’m just also proud of my gender, insomuch as I can be, considering how deeply stupid and neolithic the average male is, at times. (Ok, so mostly I’m proud of a theoretical male gender, that could exist, if only it would.) I freely admit that my earlier entries were openly misogynistic, but I was going through...

In the great, unending Battle of the Sexes, there has remained an ever-present obstacle to peace that continues to elude most people to this very day. At first, it seems a trifling sort of thing, something that bears little import to the greater campaign on either side – but it is far, far more than that. When recognized and addressed properly, it signifies a symbolic understanding and represents an agreement to concede a mutual...

Today, I’d like to talk about the endless ocean of psychobabble trash that we find ourselves neck-deep in, in these troubled times. More specifically, I want to discuss the continuing miseducation of anyone and everyone who buys self-help books, or pays attention to marriage counselors, or who finds himself or herself attentively wandering through the suffocating desert of talk show personalities and fake doctors that plagues our...

I awoke yesterday morning, feeling like some sort of grotesque combination of Gregor Samsa, Dorian Grey, and Darth Vader. I’d been arguing with Brittany the night before, and I fear that going to sleep in that enraged state was directly responsible for the pitiable condition in which I found myself the next morning. As I opened my eyes and got my bearings on the world, I didn’t feel quite like myself. It should be noted,...

Romantic Comedies are neither romantic, nor funny, and I honestly don’t know why everyone thinks they are – especially women. Brittany wants me to watch a movie called Definitely, Maybe and she swears that I promised her I’d watch it. I recall the conversation in its entirely, however. What I said was, “I will definitely watch it. Maybe.” See? I was making clever use of the title in a play on words! I was...