"Tickets, please!"

‘Tis the day before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature is stirring except me clicking my mouse. As I write this, it’s early morning and I have only a precious few minutes until the clock strikes ten and all the little portals to Hell otherwise known as Retail Stores begin opening their doors for the final shopping moments of the season. Fortunately, I don’t have very much left to buy, unless you consider everything to be a lot. Oh well, I’m sure the crowds won’t be all that bad. Right? Right?!

Of course, since I don’t have a lot of time today – and neither, I suspect, do you – I’ll keep this entry brief. In fact, my time is so short that I almost decided to keep my verbiage to a minimum and instead turn Coquetting Tarradiddles into a photo blog for one brief and shiny moment. However, since I hate photo blogs with the furious explosive power of a thousand angry suns, I decided against it. Photo blogs are meaningless and tiring exercises in pointless scrolling that should either be relegated to the virtual Vacation Slide Show pictures that they are, or simply stored away for posterity as one of Blogger’s chosen Blogs of Note – either way, I don’t want to embrace that particular horror just yet. Instead, I’ll save the pictures for Tuesday’s entry, where they’ll be accompanied by a hefty dose of my excessively longwinded bibblebabble.

As for today’s entry, I’ll keep things short and wrap them up here. Yesterday, we took Trey on a wild journey through creepy Texas backroads as we made our way through terrible weather and a curious amount of cell phone dead zones as we headed towards the Texas State Railroad station in Palestine, TX. There, we boarded the fabled Polar Express and steamed our way directly to the North Pole. The ride was punctuated by dancing chefs bearing hot chocolate and cookies, and wrapped up with a visit from Santa Claus and a small army of his elite Elf Guard. And, while no one on this Earth could have convinced him that we did not, in fact, go to the actual North Pole, you’ll just have to wait until Tuesday to read all about it. As for now, it’s time to head out into the heart of darkness and make my way into the hideous bowels of an American Shopping Mall. Wish me luck, and have a happy Christmas!

“Merry Christmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!”



Want some books? 'Course ya do!


NOTE:  I know times are hard and yeah, I need to make a living too, but if you want to read any of my books but can't afford to buy them right now, hit me up.

I'll take care of it.


Humor | Nonfiction
Available now from the following retailers

Have you ever lived through an experience that was so humiliating that you wanted to die, but when you tell it to all your friends, they can't stop laughing?

Have you ever made a decision that seemed like a good idea at the time, but you're still living with the hilarious consequences years later?

If so, then grab a snack, get comfortable, and prepare to have all of your own poor life choices seem just a little bit more bearable.

You're welcome.

Short Stories
Available now from the following retailers

The nine stories of rage and sadness collected here range from the most intimate of human experiences to the wildest realms of magic and fantasy. The first story is a violent gut-punch to the soul, and the rest of them just hit harder from there.

Those who tough it out will find a book filled with as much hope as despair, a constant contradiction pulling you from one extreme to another.

Life might knock us down, over and over, and will the beat the ever-loving snot out of us from the time we're old enough to give it attitude until the day we finally let it win and stop getting up.

Always get back up.

Gaming | Nonfiction
Available now from the following retailers

This isn't just a book. It's a portal to other worlds where there be magic and dragons and hilarious pirates. Okay, not really. But this book is about those portals, except they're called video games.

The Life Bytes series of books take a deep dive into one man's personal journey through childhood into kinda/sorta being a responsible, competent adult as told through the magical lens of whatever video games he was playing at the time.

Part One starts way back in 1975 and meanders down various digital pathways until, oh, around about 1993 or so.

If you're feeling nostalgic for the early days of gaming or if you just want to understand why the gamer in your life loves this hobby so much, take a seat in your favorite comfy chair and crack this bad boy open.

I'll try to not be boring.

Horror
Available now from the following retailers

What you are about to read is not a story. There is no beginning, middle, or end.

What follows is nothing more than a series of journal entries involving shadow people, sleep paralysis, and crippling fear. It’s not pretty, it doesn’t follow story logic, and nothing works out well in the end.

You've been warned.