It’s A Mario Party!

Hello, kiddies. This is my first essay since I started posting Snowflakes In Autumn, so I probably have a lot to say. However, I’m going to keep things relatively brief today before we move on to the last two installments of Chapter Two later in the week. My days of late have been filled mostly with work, writing and party planning for Trey’s 4th birthday extravaganza. Due to his unwavering adoration of all things Super Mario, he started asking for a Mario party back in March and hasn’t waivered in his decision since. His actual birthday is this Friday, so we’ve planned his party for Saturday and Brittany and I have spent the past several weeks trying to figure out how to make this happen after discovering that there’s an amazing amount of Mario birthday party merchandise NOT out there. Instead, we’ve had to get Crafty.

It should be noted that I am not, in fact, a crafty individual. Armed with a hot glue gun and a two pieces of fabric to stick together, I’ll invariably wind up with third degree burns on my inner thigh and one piece of fabric stuck to my forehead. Thankfully, Brittany is a bit better at these sorts of things than I am. Maybe it’s to do with genetics and information carried exclusively on the second X chromosome, but it always seems like Moms are better at the crafty stuff than Dads (or stepdads, as it were).

Pay no attention to the clutter…

Those of us in the XY side of the chromosomal pond are better at the logistics and general, big-picture event planning and shouldn’t ever be recruited to stich things or glue things or bake things. I say this not out of any sort of sexist worldview, but simply as a matter of fact. Dads like to play Hannibal Smith and concoct elaborate top-level plans while leaving the details to Moms. We do this for two reasons: First, we suck at the details – and second, we’re lazy.

I’ve scattered a couple of pictures of some of the things Brittany has come up with for the party, which range from Paper Mario caps to Mario-overall treat bags, the latter of which was actually one of my Big Ideas, arrived at after finding some girls purses in the shape of denim skirts one night at the store. “Look at this,” I said to Brittany. “We could make these into Mario overalls pretty easily. Just cut the handle in half and hot glue the two ends back to the purse to look like shoulder straps, then cut the skirt down the middle and glue the two pieces to look like pants legs. It’s brilliant!”

A pile of treat overalls and a giant Trey

It was a great idea and I was very pleased with my ingenuity, but I knew the moment I suggested it that I wouldn’t be having any truck with anything to do with scissors and hot glue. The responsibility for actually pulling off my grand suggestion fell to Brittany, who managed to accomplish it quite handily with a little help from Trey. The little guy gets extremely stoked every time the subject of his birthday comes up, and he’s always eager to lend a helping hand in getting things ready for the party. He even worked on the experimental fondant recipe we devised to cover his elaborate homemade cake, which we hope turns out something like the picture we found on the Internet. I remain cautiously optimistic.

It’s difficult to describe Trey’s level of excitement for the party. Seeing as how we’ve been planning it for months, you’d think he’d be tired of it by now – but he’s just getting more and more stoked each day. Brittany wrapped a few of his presents the other night, and he keeps carting the packages to different areas of the house to stack them in various configurations – but he doesn’t try to open them. He’s really good in that regard. In fact, he’s generally a great little boy all around. When he was helping make the treat bag overalls, for instance, he kept telling us how eager he was to share with his guests. With each new purse-turned-overalls Brittany completed, he’d announce, “This one is for Gabe, and this one’s for Olivia, and this one’s for Chloe, and this one’s for Zach, and this one’s for…” He has a lot of kids coming to the party, from both nearby and relatives traveling in from out of town, which means a lot of treat bags. I hope we have enough…

Trey helped with the coloring – and stayed in the lines!

Well, that about wraps things up for today. Check back at midnight tomorrow for the third installment of Snowflakes In Autumn, Chapter Two. I’ll be explaining my plans for future chapters after I wrap up Chapter Three next week. Some of you will like the idea, others will probably hate it. It’s a little scheme I’ve adapted from Lawrence Watt-Evans, who is doing something similar with one of his novels. (If you’ve never read The Misenchanted Sword, you’re abusing yourself and you don’t even know it. Seriously, go buy a copy. You won’t regret it.) I’ll be back next Wednesday with a new essay, which I’m certain will include a postmortem of the birthday festivities, complete with pictures and probably a little video. If you don’t care about such things, then you’re dead inside and should just skip your daily visit that day – but don’t forget to come back for Chapter 3 next week, because after I post the last installment of Chapter 4, things will be changing…

Want some books? 'Course ya do!

NOTE:  I know times are hard and yeah, I need to make a living too, but if you want to read any of my books but can't afford to buy them right now, hit me up.

I'll take care of it.

Humor | Nonfiction
Available now from the following retailers

Have you ever lived through an experience that was so humiliating that you wanted to die, but when you tell it to all your friends, they can't stop laughing?

Have you ever made a decision that seemed like a good idea at the time, but you're still living with the hilarious consequences years later?

If so, then grab a snack, get comfortable, and prepare to have all of your own poor life choices seem just a little bit more bearable.

You're welcome.

Short Stories
Available now from the following retailers

The nine stories of rage and sadness collected here range from the most intimate of human experiences to the wildest realms of magic and fantasy. The first story is a violent gut-punch to the soul, and the rest of them just hit harder from there.

Those who tough it out will find a book filled with as much hope as despair, a constant contradiction pulling you from one extreme to another.

Life might knock us down, over and over, and will the beat the ever-loving snot out of us from the time we're old enough to give it attitude until the day we finally let it win and stop getting up.

Always get back up.

Gaming | Nonfiction
Available now from the following retailers

This isn't just a book. It's a portal to other worlds where there be magic and dragons and hilarious pirates. Okay, not really. But this book is about those portals, except they're called video games.

The Life Bytes series of books take a deep dive into one man's personal journey through childhood into kinda/sorta being a responsible, competent adult as told through the magical lens of whatever video games he was playing at the time.

Part One starts way back in 1975 and meanders down various digital pathways until, oh, around about 1993 or so.

If you're feeling nostalgic for the early days of gaming or if you just want to understand why the gamer in your life loves this hobby so much, take a seat in your favorite comfy chair and crack this bad boy open.

I'll try to not be boring.

Horror
Available now from the following retailers

What you are about to read is not a story. There is no beginning, middle, or end.

What follows is nothing more than a series of journal entries involving shadow people, sleep paralysis, and crippling fear. It’s not pretty, it doesn’t follow story logic, and nothing works out well in the end.

You've been warned.