Get a dictionary. Look it up.
You may have noticed a conspicuous lack of my ramblings last week. I assure you, I did not die, nor was I horribly maimed in some terrible accident that left me disfigured and without the use of my typing fingers. What did happen, however, was that the devil decided to swing by to do a little cloven hoofed tap dancing on my soul, and it’s taken me awhile to recover. In less dramatic terms, I had a toothache. Well, it started out as a...
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Yesterday was a strange and tiresome day, filled from morning yawn to evening snore with all manner of oddity and perversion. For starters, after setting a new alarm tone before going to sleep the previous night, I woke yesterday morning under the unconscious delusion that I was, in fact, defusing a bomb. It seems that, for whatever reason, the rhythmic chirping of the new alarm I’d set somehow registered as a timed explosive to my...
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Embracing the dynamic spirit of the American dream and throwing caution to the wind, I recently decided it was time for a change. Just a little change, mind you. An insignificant one at best, but substantial enough to raise the eyebrows and lower the expectations of those around me, at least so far as their perception of my age is concerned. I didn’t set out to take a few years of the clock and pursue that most elusive and costly of...
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The perilous landscape of daycare is fraught with danger at every turn. There’s the big kid who steals the bouncy balls from smaller kids, then laughs with delight as they cry bitter tears of crestfallen shame. There’s the stinky kid, whose parents believe that baths are things that happen to other people, and then there are kids like the boy with the perpetually snotty nose, the girl who’s discovered the childhood art of...
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Can we please stop it with all the H1N1/Swine Flu nonsense? It’s the flu, people. That’s it. It doesn’t matter what scary name you put in front of the virus, it turns out that this particular H1N1 strain isn’t really much different than the regular, boring old flu. It isn’t the dreaded killer strain all the talking heads were scaring everyone with this summer. It’s just the flu, with a little pig and a...
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Kristian Bland
Writer
Occasional Geek
I'm a former Webmaster turned Journalist turned Systems Administrator. I once thought I could recreate Spider-Man's web fluid, but only ended up staining the driveway of my friend's parents when some of it spilled out and went runny. Eventually, I became a caustic tech geek, which I'm pretty sure inspired the character of Dr. Gregory House, although the bastards never credited me. Later in life, I'd go on to have a horrific experience in publishing that I don't talk about, except to talk about how I don't talk about it. Later still, I became a web editor and columnist for a Hearst newspaper, where I excelled at being Me until my entire department was unceremoniously laid off. After that, I spent about six months being pretty busy not being busy. It sucked. Then, after missing the light of my radiant glory casting its warmth upon the newsroom for long enough, the paper called me up and asked me back. So I went back. And then I left again. And here we are.
